I Wanna Go Home

For the past 21 years that I've lived, many times, I have felt to be badly down physically, spiritually and most often, emotionally. It really sucks when you're just so aware of something wrong, shameful and degrading that you've done. Most of the time, this happens to me...and I just wanna find somewhere else where I could hide myself from the world (like in a dark corner) so that nobody could see that I'm crying...that I'm hurt...so that the world can no longer reach me, and hurt me... This is the reason why I feel so much for those who have committed suicide...or something close to that... Of course that's a big no no for me, but...just imagining the emotional torture that they've been through for them to be forced to end it all, it really sucks.

When I'm feeling as bad as the way that I'm feeling right now, I write it down...in a piece of paper and hide it in my closet so that no one can read it...or, I just imagine myself that I'm in a happy situation like being a Hollywood celebrity, rich young lady, a great achiever...something like that. Somehow it soothes the pain...but if you were to ask me what first comes into my mind, the first thing that I usually say to myself (and hoping that I could say to some one else) is I WANNA GO HOME...just like now...I wanna go home...='(